Burn Out

My friend Lori has been talking about Burn Out on her blog. It happens to everyone, especially those in ministry. Last year I posted a picture of my new hair-do. Now this hair-do didn't come about because I wanted a cute new look. I had been doing my own hair for years, with very little problem. Then last year my hair started falling out. Actually it looked like someone had been waiting until I fell asleep at night and was just chopping off a few spots at the top. I assumed it was because I had been doing my hair for so long that obviously I was doing something wrong and so the surprise was on me when my hairdresser informed me it appeared to be stress!

I had heard that word a few years before when I went into the doctors office for the first time in a long time and found out my blood pressure was so high that it had started to cause nosebleeds. Something I had never experienced in my life before. My bottom number was 120 and the doctors refused to let me go home until I had a battery of test. The final announcement was that I had high blood pressure and would have to go on medication. Now keep in mind at this point Marc and I had been in ministry for nearly 14 years. Marc had submitted his name for submission to be Pastor of our home church. The two, almost three year process begin to take its toll in ways that I never imagined. Long story short he did not get the position but by that point he was interim pastor at WABC and God (in his infinite wisdom) was preparing us for a move beyond anything we ever imagined at our home church.

Since that time I have found new ways to deal with stress. Not everyone agrees with the path I have taken, but that is ok with me. At the ripe old age of 44 (soon to be 45 on April 14th) I have learned a few things. One of those things is to take care of Cyndi and her family and not worry about the rest. I also started to put my priorities in place. Here are a few things I make a point of doing now that before I never put much stock in.

1) I spend time with friends and family. Something that was often put on the back burner when we were really knee deep in "ministry". My day planner is no longer filled with more ministry meetings, activities, etc appointments then time with family and friends. Its been good to unplug every once in a while.

2) I don't attend everything that WABC has going on! My need to be at church all the time for everything because I thought that was the best way to support my husband has ended. Sometimes my husband just needs me to be his wife.

3) I don't feel the need to be in charge of everything associated with ministry at WABC. The one big thing I have learned about ministry is that the minute you are gone there is someone else available to take your place. Now, they may not do it the way you would. But guess what? That might be a good thing. LOL Allow others to use the gifts that God has given them and God will get the glory not man.

4) I attend NLP a church down the street from our home as often as I can, when I can. This is a place where I don't have to wear my "First Lady" hat. Heck, I don't even have to wear my wife of Marc's hat. This isn't an option for everyone but it works for me. Its also a place where once in a blue moon Marc can slip in and just be Marc (and we can't sit together and worship together). Believe it or not minister's need to be ministered to also.

5) Most of the time I don't cook dinner on Sundays. Marc and I have dinner together after church at one of our fav. places and just sit and talk. Sometimes its with friends, sometimes the girls are with us and sometimes its just us two. Its my favorite part of the week (and to my family members who may be reading this...be quiet. I know I don't cook sometime during the week either. But I have never said I was a perfect SAHM. And frankly after 25 years of marriage, well let's just say neither Marc or I are going anywhere else). The important part for us is that we are spending time together.

6) Marc and I have a date night at least once a month. Again, its about spending time together. How can we be a good model for others (especially our own children) if we don't make our marriage a top priority. God may have called us to ministry but he also expects us to love each other. One of the great take aways for me at the Marriage Ministry Conference we attended a few months ago was that God designed marriage as the priority relationship in the family.

7) Lastly, but the most important part is taking time to hear from God. When I distance myself from God...especially when I am "busy" in ministry I am blocking out the one thing that can get me through anything. During the "process" for pastor I thought I was doing everything right. I told myself that this was what God wanted. I prayed, fasted, sent out prayer request. We even said that we didn't want to be anywhere that God didn't want us to be. But now looking back I realize that I didn't believe everything that I was saying. And the closer that we got to the end the more I relied on what I thought people wanted and less on what God wanted.

Now keep in mind I don't have it all together. Each day is a learning process. I realize I will make mistakes, I'm only human. But now I know the signs for stress and frankly where I am in life right now....you couldn't pay me to go back again.