First Lady

No, I don't mean Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama! I am talking about the First Lady of the church! I'm not sure but I believe this is a title that is mostly used by baptist (usually African American ) churches in the south. My grandmother, and my godmother were all "First Ladies" of their church. I knew at some point in my life someone would call me "First Lady". The problem is that many people assume that the first lady should act, dress, and "minister" in a certain way (at least that has been my experience). Many first ladies have their own parking space, their own office at the church, are head of the women's ministry (or children's ministry at church) and in many cases they become the person who other people "serve" rather then the person that serves.

A few weeks ago my mom and I had a "deep" discussion about what my responsibilities would be as "First Lady". My family (and some of my friends) know that I hate the word. I have been known to cringe when someone introduces me as the "First Lady" of the church. At one service the pastor introduced me as the First Lady and I must have had a look on my face because he immediately apologized. Let's just say I am working on my facial expressions! Anyway, my mom told me I needed to "dress" the part of a pastor's wife (aka firstlady). Now first of all if you know my mom, just the fact that this came out of her mouth floored me. Growing up my mom was known for wearing some really outrageous outfits (well at least through the eyes of her very conservative daughter....me). My mom even dressed up one year as a witch for Halloween (which just happens to be her birthday) to the dismay of her daughter (me). Of course my friends thought she was the coolest mom on the block. My girls rave about how cool their "Mimi" is (she offered to take them to the club on their 18th birthday and offered to take them to get their first drink when they turned 21). So when she told me I had a "image" to uphold ...well lets just say I thought I was talking to a alien from Mars! It took me a while to figure out where she was going with this. Basically my mom wanted me to be aware of the fact that whether I wanted to admit it or not people will be watching me. Some people will judge me based on past pastor's wives, some will compare me to other pastor's wives. The key is how I handle that (she didn't want me to be a rebel, or dress down to make a point). For me the question became do I present what I think they want to see or do I be me and hope that they see me as I am (warts and all).

This got me thinking about how often we put on that false outer shell. We worry about how people will view us. Sort of like high school when you were judged by who you hung out with, what you wore and even who you wore. I don't think church is much different (sad but true).

A few weeks after my conversation with my mom I talked to a friend who just happens to be a "First Lady" and she basically said , whether I like it or not that is what I am. Now what I do with that is up to me. Years ago based on my surroundings I dressed like the lady in the pink suit. Now I'm not knocking anyone who wears this (some of my best friends look good in the suits). But something happened to me when I hit the 40's. I shed a lot of the "first lady suits" I had been wearing because I didn't feel like me when I was in them ( I hate stockings in the summer, and all of those layers just made me feel hot and frumpy). I'm more likely to pick up the animal print skirt and top the lady above is wearing. On occasion you will even find me in the jeans and jacket (gasp). I think I have finally established my own personal style. What I am learning now is that even as a "First Lady" only I can establish what the means for Cyndi. God created me as a unique individual with unique gifts. How I use those gifts are up to me. And the best part? They have nothing at all to do with what I wear!